


"The truth is, I'm desperately attracted to you."

by ShhIAmNotHere



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: First Kiss, M/M, Truth Spells
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-10-23 11:54:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10718853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShhIAmNotHere/pseuds/ShhIAmNotHere
Summary: For a moment-not even a moment, a split second-I imagine him saying, "The truth is, I'm desperately attracted to you."- Pg. 205What if Simon really said that at this moment, and it wasn't just in Baz's imagination?





	"The truth is, I'm desperately attracted to you."

**Author's Note:**

> I'd run out of things to read, and wanted some fanfic, but there was no internet. So I wrote some.

BAZ  
“I need to talk to you,” says Snow.  
I raise my chin. “Talk, then.”  
“Not here. We’re not supposed to be here, and… what I have to say is kind of private.”  
I roll my eyes. “No one’s coming. And there’s no one to hear you.”  
“The truth is, I'm desperately attracted to you,” he says.  
He blinks a few times and frowns, as if he's just as confused where that came from as I am. I try to say something, but nothing comes out. Fantasising this situation is very different to experiencing it in reality. Does he mean it? Does he know how I feel about him? Is he trying to catch me out?  
I try to think of some kind of comeback, but the uncertainty of knowing how he really feels makes me speechless. And whatever Snow thinks of me, I don't want him to see me lost for words, so I turn around and leave the room. As soon as I am out of the room, I break into a run and head for the catacombs. I need some time to think. 

PENELOPE  
I wait for Agatha on the unused bed in her room. She hurries in soon after I sit down.  
“What are you doing here?” she asks.  
“You said you were going to talk to Simon.”  
“And you want to know what happened.”  
“Yes! You're-”  
“We broke up.”  
That startles me for a moment. I've heard Agatha consider breaking up with Simon many times, but she's never gone through with it before. Not properly, anyway. Agatha's looking at me like she thinks I might explode or something.  
“Wow. That's... Unexpected.”  
“It's not really though, is it?” She tilts her head slightly. “You never seemed to think we should be together. I think you were right.”  
“Look, I wasn't jealous of you. But sometimes people think they belong together, just because they're both perfect and everyone thinks they'll be great together. And sometimes, they do belong together. And maybe you and Simon did. But lately, there has been a rift between you.”  
She laughs. “I don't care whether you were jealous or not. But there's a whole world out there, Magical and non-Magical, and we sit around in this school, worrying about where we're going to end up and who we're going to get there with. It just seems so... Narrow.”  
I stand up and head towards the door.  
“Where are you going?” Agatha asks.  
“To see Simon. You two are both my friends, and you seem fine. So I'm going to go see how he's going.”

I knock on Simon's door. “Hello?” I call into the room. Hopefully Baz isn't around at the moment. I peer around the door. Simon is sitting at his desk with his laptop, as if to do homework, but he is instead staring blankly at the wall. Maybe his breakup with Agatha has affected him more than I expected.  
“Simon? Are you alright?”  
He jumps in his chair, and spins around to face me.  
“No.”  
He looks awful. His eyes are bloodshot and he's quivering slightly, like he does when he’s forgotten to eat.  
“Do you want me to get you some food?” I ask.  
“Yes, please. I didn't want to go get lunch because I didn't want to have to talk to anyone, or tell them-”  
He stops suddenly, and nods.  
As I make my way back to his room with three cherry scones, I realise that Agatha only just broke up with him. _After_ lunch. So what had happened to Simon this morning that meant he didn't want to go to lunch?  
Simon took the scones from me immediately, eating them in less time than it had taken for me to get them.  
“What's happened? Is something wrong?” I ask. “This isn't about Agatha, is it.”  
“No, it's not about Agatha, although you have to say, it is sort of... Convenient that she did it today... No, I said to...”  
He takes a deep breath. “Someone's put a spell on me. I can't lie, and I keep saying more than I mean to. This morning I even told-”  
“Do you want to talk about what happened this morning?” I ask. It's really hard to not just ask what happened.  
“No.”  
I'm still dying to know what happened, but I guide my curiosity to a different part of the story.  
“Where did the spell come from?”  
“I think it was an accident. I thought I saw Baz going into the wood earlier, and followed him to see what he was up to, but I tripped over a root and landed in a bush. There was some weird dust in that bush, it sort of glowed. I think the spell came from the dust?”  
He sounds unsure whether that's possible. I'm surprised he didn't say it was Baz. “Baz isn't always plotting, you know. Maybe he just wanted to go for a walk.”  
“In the Wavering Wood? Anyway, I don't think it was actually him.”  
It's a relief to see him blame something other than Baz for once.  
“Well, I guess now we just have to figure out how to get rid of it. It sounds like you got hit by a cloud of fairy dust. It must have been there for quite a while. It's probably making you feel a bit sick as well, but it should wear off by the morning. Stay in here and don't talk to anyone, ok? I'll bring you dinner later, and I'm sure you'll be fine.”  
Since he doesn't want to talk about what happened this morning, he probably wants me to leave before he ends up talking about it anyway, so I give him a quick hug and head back to my room. 

SIMON  
It's easier after I've eaten the scones and Penny leaves. My head feels slightly clearer, and the fear of saying something stupid goes away. I can relax. Of course, my mind keeps going back to what I said to Baz this morning.  
_The truth is, I'm desperately attracted to you._  
He is good looking. And it's not like I haven't noticed that before, when I see him playing football or casting spell after spell in class. But Baz and I are on opposite sides of a war. Baz is an evil vampire who wants to kill me. Why would I be attracted to him? 

Penny has always says I'm obsessed with him, though. I thought I was just worried about what he was going to do, what he was plotting. But had I ever been actually scared of Baz? Or did I just want to understand him better? Although, after sharing a room with him for seven years, I do know him quite well, even if he's never opened up to me. He's always seemed isolated, cut off from even his friends. If you can call Dev and Niall his friends.

It's a while before I admit that really I might feel something for Baz. That maybe I want to help him find a place to fit in, because I've never really fitted in anywhere either. Maybe I want to talk to someone else who's been pushed into a war they don't really want to be in. But it doesn't matter what I think about Baz, because he hates me. I think. If he didn't, wouldn't he have said something this morning? 

BAZ  
I'm not sure how long I can avoid Snow. If I don't go back to our room to sleep, he’ll probably run around looking for me. Or maybe not. He might be avoiding me too. 

I don't see him at dinner. Penelope and Agatha sit alone, Agatha looking guilty and Penny looking relaxed. Sort of, anyway. She eats faster than usual and I notice her sneak a plate of food out. Probably for Simon. I wait until it's dark and Penelope returns back to her own room before I head up the stairs in Mummers House. I find Simon sitting on his bed, scraping the last scraps of food off a plate. He tenses when I come in, but doesn't look up. I walk slowly over to my own bed, and sit down facing him. He's not acting like he only said it to hurt me. And he's not a very good actor. 

It's hard not to ask him if he meant it, but I'm hoping if I sit here long enough he’ll say something first.  
“Have you told anyone?” he asks softly, not looking up.  
“No. I doubt they'd believe me anyway.”  
“What do you think?” He slowly lifts his head to look at me.  
“I don't know. Why did you say it?” I've grown used to using everything against Simon. But if he meant what he said, if there is even a chance he might love me back, I have to know. Even if we are on different sides of a war.  
“There's a spell on me. I can't lie, and it's hard not to keep talking. And sometimes, things come out that I'm not expecting, like what I said this morning, or things I don't want to say, like admitting that it's true.”  
“That it's that you… love me?”  
“Yes.” It comes out choked, as if he is trying to hold it back. He looks down again. I don't know what to say. Talking to Simon has always been about not letting him find out how I feel. But that doesn't matter anymore.  
I stand up and wall over to him. “Snow.”  
He doesn't move. “Simon.” I bend down on my knees so I stop towering over him. Tears have started to creep down his face.  
“Why do you have to be like this?” he says, his fists clenched in the blanket beneath him. “You always say such awful things. Why do you hate me so much? And I can't bring myself to hate you back. Not any more, anyway.”  
“I don't hate you.” I tilt his face up with my hand on his cheek so he's looking right at me. “I just hate how I feel about you. I don't hate you at all.”  
He tries to blink the tears away, and sniffs a few times. “But you do. You tried to kill me. Three times. Of course you hate me.”  
“I don't hate you, Simon. I… I love you.”  
It's strange, saying it aloud after keeping it hidden for so long. It makes it feel more real.  
“No, you can't, you're just saying that and-”  
I put a finger to his lips to silence him.  
“It's true.”  
He shakes his head. I tug him off the bed so we're sitting in the floor facing each other, ours knees touching. He has to know how I feel. I have to get him to believe me. I lean towards him, and he doesn't move, our faces only a few centimetres apart.  
“I always thought you hated me. Because I was so mean to you. But I was just scared.”  
And then slowly, so he knows what I'm doing, I move my face even closer to his, and kiss him. He's hesitant at first, but after a few moments he puts his arms around me and holds on tight. He's smiling when we break apart.  
“I love you too,” he says. 

PENELOPE  
I head up to check on Simon in the morning. The spell should have worn off by now, but it seems good to check. If it hasn't, I can always bring his meals to his room again. 

It's early, so no one is around to see me managing to get past the wards and climb the stairs to the top level. I wonder where Baz is. I think Simon said he liked sleeping in, so maybe if I quietly open the door he won't wake up. 

I open the door a crack, and peer in. I can only see Baz’s bed from this angle, and he doesn't seem to be in it. I shuffle over to look at Simon’s. He's still in it, asleep. But he's not alone. Baz lies next to him, his arm draped over Simon and his head resting against Simon's. I don't feel as surprised as I probably should be. Simon does talk about Baz a lot. And Baz does give Simon a lot of attention. Even if Simon doesn’t always want it.

I don't wake them, and head down to breakfast alone. Agatha looks worried when I find her.  
“Is Simon okay? He's not avoiding me, is he?”  
“No! He had a bit of a magical accident yesterday, and I think he's still recovering. Don't worry, I think he's moved on. You should too.”  
“That's good,” she says, but I don't think she believes me.  
“You weren't thinking of going after Baz now, we're you?”  
“No. Why?”  
I shrug. “Just wondering. There did seem to be something going on between you.”  
She sighs. “Penny, if I did want to go after Baz, I wouldn't need you to worry about me. I can look after myself.”  
“I know! I just don't want you to get hurt.”


End file.
